Leaving The Beach

I stayed on the beach for 25 days.
Returning to the place where I got married
to get over my divorce.
Didn’t sound like a solid idea at first.
But it was my best decision ever.

(Sweet, seedy Sihanoukville... ) For seven years I’ve been coming back to visit the family in law. This time, out here on my own, was far better than any holiday with them. So many people I met here over the years. So many friendly faces. Without family I got to know them all over again and meet many new ones in the process. Got more friends in Sihanoukville than anywhere else in the world. Here I feel at ease. Strong and confident, older and wiser (and yes, ofthen drunk and high too). Burning through the night, speeding on a Honda Dream, visiting a tropical island, stumbling into beautiful temples, ignoring traffic lights at all times, smoking joints everywhere and lingering on the beach with friends. There were no fights, no stress, no troubles, no anger. At most I got a bit annoyed with the languorous, inefficient way of life. But I learned to roll with it. After all, happiness has nothing to do with how much you can get done in one day. Happiness is all about with who you spend the day with.

(Twenty-five days of absolute smoothness)
My married live nothing but a distant memory.
Somewhere along the way I sort of forgot what it was I came here to get way from...

*

Yesterday I left town at the break of dawn.
Taking the bus up on Highway #4 for the final time.
Leaving the beach, back to Phnom Penh.

This time I got no expectations to ever come back here again.
This time I found what I was looking for.
Now I can go home and live happily ever after.
(making that same lame statement since 2003...)

(Final night in Sihanoukville, drinking heavily in a karaoke parlor)
Soeth, my motodop-driver friend, asks how long I’m going to stay in Belgium this time.
   "...I don't know... Probably a very long time, I'm not sure if I ever come..."
He bursts out in happy, drunken laughter
   "you will be back, my friend, maybe you don't know it yet
but you'll be back... soon... I know..." (fuck)

Yes, I found closure for my divorce troubles.
I had the holiday of a lifetime. I'm ready to play lots and lots of poker again.
But I despise the day job. I despise the cold and the grey and the emptiness back home.

I found this burning desire to live life at it’s fullest...
Don't want to slow down now. I'm just getting started.

(Back in Phnom Penh at a fancy hotel on Sisovath Quay...)
Last night I studied poker by watching DeucesCracked-videos and played a decent amount of Rush. Then I drained the mini-bar and worked my way through my last ganja. Alone, stoned and disoriented in the big city once again.

*

Today I sit at the riverside and wonder

So this was my final trip to Cambodia,
what’s next?

Sleepwalking in Phnom Penh

Aimlessly I walk the streets alone.
Nowhere to go, nothing to see.

Can’t be bothered to do the tourist thing over again.
Don't feel like doing drugs, girls or guns.
Not into religion, charity or saving the world.

Just walking and not much else.
Taking moto-taxi’s to random places.
Drinking too much cheap beer
and smoking too many cheap cigarettes.
Going nowhere slow.

Sweet memories crushed
by the bitter taste of reality.

There’s nothing here for me anymore.
This is not the promised land.

Phnom Penh, a town full of losers (just like everywhere else).

Movie Night "Same Same But Different"

Time for another edition of 'Movie Night'...

This time I stumbled upon the German independent movie
"Same Same But Different". It's based on the true story of Benjamin Prufer and Sreykeo Solvan. An unexpected and uncertain love story of Sreykeo, a 21 year old bar girl in Phnom Penh and Ben, a German twenty-something on a holiday in Cambodia... When Ben returns home to Germany he discovers that Sreyko is sick and he takes on the responsibility to save her. On this journey he discovers a world where not everyone is dealt the same cards and where things are not always what they seem...

Awesome cinematography and a brilliant soundtrack (the Belgian Vive la Fete, Rammstein, French chansons and Khmer pop music) make this modern love story a hell of a trip.... A must-see movie if you were ever backpacking in South-East Asia. Forget Leonardo DiCaprio in The Beach. This movie is the ultimate, truthful and authentic, 'white dude in Asia' story.
Highly recommended!

You can support the movie by buying the DVD at Amazon or you can try to get a copy at one of your usual alternative download resources...

True Love, Genocide and Lonesome Nights

(Another lonesome autumn night in Brussels.
The ashtray is nearly full and the bottle of whiskey almost empty....)

Exactly seven years ago I crossed the Lao border into Cambodia.
The first day I spend smoking dope in a sleepy border town.
On the second day I followed the Mekong river all the way to Phnom Penh.
I didn’t know a single soul in this city. All I had was a dirty piece of paper where someone had scribbled a few words on. Top Banana Guesthouse; that was what it said.
That’s where I went...

A moto-taxi dropped me in a dusty street and I climbed the stairs to the Top. Within minutes of arriving at the Banana rooftop terrace everything was all right. My kind of place, my kind of people. Everybody easy-going and relax. Passing around huge spliffs, having beers and chatting with fellow guests and other cool dudes.
Phnom Penh’s answer to heaven on earth, they called it.
Good times, getting high and hanging out with the guys.

But in the far corner of the terrace were two Khmer girls talking to each other. One was a good looking girl, the other one... The other one was something else... Truly the most beautiful girl in the world. I could swear there was a glow surrounding here. She was magical... like an angel, a goddess... So out of place in this crowd of stoners, travellers and crazy people. I couldn’t even look at her, she was just too beautiful. So I focused on getting really high.

The next day I wanted to visit Tuol Sleng, a Khmer Rouge prison turned into a genocide museum. When I left the guesthouse Magical Girl was suddenly standing right in front of me. She asked me where I was going. I was speechless. Nevertheless, she came along.
Tuol Sleng is a nasty place. In the late seventies, the Khmer Rouge regime imprisoned and tortured about 17.000 people here. Only twelve of them survived.
Here we walked around ... At one point, she grabbed my hand and hold it firmly. Maybe it was by chance, maybe it was planned, maybe this place was just too much for her... But for me, it changed my life. I fell in love right there and then, within the walls of the Khmer Rouge prison.

Afterwards, I had the time of my life Cambodia. We got married that summer.

About a year after our visit to the Khmer Rouge prison, we settled as husband and wife in Brussels. For seven years she would be the centre of my universe.

Happily ever after etc.

Then it turned out that she had a different view on the universe.

So we started out in the most unlikely of places
but in the end it didn't matter.

The Khmer Rouge genocide took over one million lives.
That is a devastating, undisputed fact.
While true love is,
to the best of my knowledge,
nothing but a fairy tale.

So I traded my dreams for the love of a girl
but ended up with nothing,
just like a vagabond
in the distance...

Phnom Penh Revisited Pictures

A long, long time ago I used to be a photographer.
Nowadays I sometimes press the shutter-button on my compact camera...
So a few lost hours in Phnom Penh resulted in these random snapshots:

Tangled Up In Rush Jittery

Leaving Phnom Penh, my mind started wondering.
My days in the sun are numbered.
Passed the half way point a while ago.
I need a plan.
I need to clean up my act.
Things need to change.
Fucking tired of how I live my life in Belgium.
Last night I had wild thoughts of cashing out my entire poker bankroll to stay high at Top Banana Guesthouse for a year or so. Sadly, I’m less drunk now and in need of a more serious plan.
Still, can’t see any other happy options besides poker.
If I could just get better, study more, play more hours, stay focused longer,...
Winning a major tournament, relocating to Phnom Penh and grind out my daily expenses in 6-max cash games... That’s the best possible scheme I could come up with.... But even I know, while driving out of Phnom Penh (somewhere between drunk and hangover), the odds are heavily against this silly daydream.
Nevertheless, I did the math. Getting bronze status in the Full Tilt Iron Man Challenge should be achievable this month (for the sixteenth month in a row!). I need some results. I need them now. January was horrible for my bankroll. But now there’s Rush Poker. Maybe the Rush will turn it all around...

Back in Sihanoukville;
Three hours and 1500 hands have passed...
I’m down 1,5 buy-ins.
Left my ability to sleep somewhere in Phnom Penh.... (who needs sleep when there’s Rush Poker, anyway) So I hang out on the beach all day, watch the ‘Flight of the Conchords’ on DVD (brilliant HBO-series) ‘till 4 o’clock in the morning and start playing Rush Poker around 8h30.
Now all I need to do is win - win - win... make profit...
seal the deal and lock up my ticket to a lifetime in the sun.
Once logged in, the tendency is to play as long as possible.
Full Tilt Happy Hours come and go.
When I close my eyes I see nothing but cards flashing by.
When I open my eyes 3 tables of Rush Poker scream for attention.
Can’t stop clicking... quick fold, quick fold, quick fold, raise, 3bet, fold, fold, raise, quick fold, raise, c-bet, got my Aces cracked, rebuy, quick fold, quick fold, raise, raise, bet, fold... My wife enters and leaves the room. Raise, c-bet, quick fold, quick, fold, raise, 3bet,... I’m staying right here. Raise, raise, quick fold, 3bet, raise, raise, quick fold, quick fold,... Keep the curtains closed and the fan at full speed. Fold, fold, raise, fold, raise, c-bet, quick fold, 3bet,... Trying to move the cursor around as quick as possible. Quick fold, raise, raise, fold,... It’s hard on this laptop with only a trackpad. Raise, c-bet, quick fold,... Still I manage. Quick fold, quick fold, raise, c-bet, quick fold,... Cannot stop. Raise, raise, quick fold,... At least another 1000 hands to go. Maybe more. Quick fold, quick fold, bet, bet, raise, fold, 3bet, fold, fold, raise, c-bet,...

All I need
a little bit of dope,
strong coffee and
a trillion hands of Rush Poker

I’m still here
but I wish I was back already


Play Online Poker

Phnom Penh Revisited

Came rolling down Highway #4 into Phnom Penh.
Hardly recognized a thing.
Paved streets, cars (lots of cars!) and brand new high-rise (lots of brand new high-rise!)...
This place is on it’s way up!
Looks and feels like a decent kind of town.

Walked around the block and got offered ganja (and only ganja) once (and only once). Saw even elderly barang couples (husband and wife!) and young white people driving bicycles.

Many years ago, when I came stumbling out of the Lao jungle into Phnom Penh, this place hardly resembled anything like this. No white man would consider driving a bicycle. Walking around the block was nearly impossible (because nearly every single Khmer on a moto would hustle for a ride).
Gone are the days of girls, guns and ganja.
Moving forward fast,
cleaned up and respectable.

...Until the sun goes down, that is.
(Some things never change)

After sunset,
there's still this most peculiar spark of 'Wild Wild East'.
Climbing the steps to the legendary Top Banana rooftop terrace...
(Phnom Penh’s answer to heaven on earth)
Luckily,
some things never change.
Everybody‘s still heavy drinking,
heavy smoking,
forgetting all about tomorrow
(and, at least, the day after as well)

Have another beer,
pass around the spliff...
It’s all good!
Phnom Penh,
Why not?

Even got a poker game going.
Stoned/ drunk (Banana style!)
but running hot as hell.
(until everybody else got tired of donating...)

Took my winnings to the bar across the street
for rounds of great Belgian beer (Duvel!) in the hot Cambodian night.

Man, I love this place.

48 Hours in Cambodia

At Phnom Penh International Airport there was a party of 12 (twelve!) people there to welcome me.
Didn’t see that many people in over a month...
Certainly not for me.
But there they are; all smiles, taking a day off to spend 8 hours in a mini-bus just to welcome me...
Very, very Ev- for them
(if someone would ask my opinion)
No one does.
Family has a different meaning here.
(as opposed to no meaning at all where I come from)
I don’t understand it.
I handle interest in my persona pretty poorly.
Luckily, there’s the jet lag to blame.
Jet lag and going with the flow.

Welcome to Cambodia!

So enter the minibus and into Phnom Penh traffic.
First stop: a wholesale flower market
(no questions, just roll with it).
Standing there in my winter clothes, staring at the afternoon traffic under the tropical sky/
getting stared at by the locals...
Next stop: street side food-stalls... strange meat on a stick, beer with ice and lots of smiley, happy faces... Reaching pass out-time, stumbling back in the van... Hitting the road to Sihanoukville...
Sleep makes me blissfuly unaware of the 4 hour drive.
Arriving at my sister-in-law’s.
More happy, smiley faces.
We need drinks.
No problem, you drive.
So here I am, fresh of the plane driving a pink Honda Dream trough the Cambodian night.
Trying to find the right trade off between top speeds (to discourage getting robbed) and prudence (to avoid crashing on these bad roads)...
It’s a tricky balancing act but I manage.

Later there’s sleep.
Long, long sleep.
Sleep beyond jet lag.
Waking up late afternoon.
Cruising ‘round town on a rented moto-bike ‘till dark.
Party time!
Hitting a Cambodian beach bar together with Khmer friends..
Cold beer and goofy dans moves.
Moving to a high-end night club.
Cold, cold aircon and loud, loud music.
More dancing, more beers
Lots of fun.
One of my Khmer companions stumbles into someone else.
...stumbles into a rich dude.
Problem.
No good.
48 hours in Cambodia,
dragging my drunk friend out of nightclub to avoid getting our asses kicked...

It sure is adventurous out here!