Leaving The Beach

I stayed on the beach for 25 days.
Returning to the place where I got married
to get over my divorce.
Didn’t sound like a solid idea at first.
But it was my best decision ever.

(Sweet, seedy Sihanoukville... ) For seven years I’ve been coming back to visit the family in law. This time, out here on my own, was far better than any holiday with them. So many people I met here over the years. So many friendly faces. Without family I got to know them all over again and meet many new ones in the process. Got more friends in Sihanoukville than anywhere else in the world. Here I feel at ease. Strong and confident, older and wiser (and yes, ofthen drunk and high too). Burning through the night, speeding on a Honda Dream, visiting a tropical island, stumbling into beautiful temples, ignoring traffic lights at all times, smoking joints everywhere and lingering on the beach with friends. There were no fights, no stress, no troubles, no anger. At most I got a bit annoyed with the languorous, inefficient way of life. But I learned to roll with it. After all, happiness has nothing to do with how much you can get done in one day. Happiness is all about with who you spend the day with.

(Twenty-five days of absolute smoothness)
My married live nothing but a distant memory.
Somewhere along the way I sort of forgot what it was I came here to get way from...

*

Yesterday I left town at the break of dawn.
Taking the bus up on Highway #4 for the final time.
Leaving the beach, back to Phnom Penh.

This time I got no expectations to ever come back here again.
This time I found what I was looking for.
Now I can go home and live happily ever after.
(making that same lame statement since 2003...)

(Final night in Sihanoukville, drinking heavily in a karaoke parlor)
Soeth, my motodop-driver friend, asks how long I’m going to stay in Belgium this time.
   "...I don't know... Probably a very long time, I'm not sure if I ever come..."
He bursts out in happy, drunken laughter
   "you will be back, my friend, maybe you don't know it yet
but you'll be back... soon... I know..." (fuck)

Yes, I found closure for my divorce troubles.
I had the holiday of a lifetime. I'm ready to play lots and lots of poker again.
But I despise the day job. I despise the cold and the grey and the emptiness back home.

I found this burning desire to live life at it’s fullest...
Don't want to slow down now. I'm just getting started.

(Back in Phnom Penh at a fancy hotel on Sisovath Quay...)
Last night I studied poker by watching DeucesCracked-videos and played a decent amount of Rush. Then I drained the mini-bar and worked my way through my last ganja. Alone, stoned and disoriented in the big city once again.

*

Today I sit at the riverside and wonder

So this was my final trip to Cambodia,
what’s next?