When It All Goes South, Travel North

Here we go again... (the graph shows my combined tournament result for October 'till today)

Yesterday I lost another 8 sit 'n go's in a row
(-$200 in about 1 hour)...
Well, at least my confidence is not (completely) falling apart anymore as it used to be after a few bad sessions....
I played over 4000 sit 'n go's, read dozens of books and watched hours of PokerVT training videos. My game is solid. Rock solid. Derek said so. (lol, but just a little...). Even tilt becomes less of a problem. I counter it with strong logical thinking and reason. Like during my horrible session last night; I got sucked out on 6 (yes, six!) times in a row. Instead of tilting and blowing of another 44 bucks on my last 2 games, I stayed cool. Really cool. Gus Hansen cool. All I had to do was concentrate really hard an do whatever possible to win my last 2 games. Then I could even still make a profit for the night.
Alas, things turned out differently. But I had the right mindset (at least).

Sadly emotions tend to catch up eventually.
Like 15 minutes later while washing dishes, for example.
Completely falling apart with my hands drenched in soap and hot water...

I understand coin flips, I can accept bad beats, even the -$200 loss is not a big deal.
What really freaks me out is losing. The pain of losing repeatedly. Over and over again.
The fear that I will never be able to shake of 'failure' as my middle name... Alway stay mediocre.
There must be someway out of here !
(said the joker to the thief etc.)
At least I can be unhappy about this during working hours.
My only talent: underachieving during a boring day job.

Anyway, to lift up my spirits I'll make a 240 km round trip to the Dutch city of Tilburg tomorrow...
I don't like the drive. In fact, I hate it. Road trips are only cool in American movies. Nothing poetic about being stuck in traffic on the ring around Antwerp.
But returning home with some premium quality Dutch marihuana might make it all worthwhile...

By the way, boys and girls, don't forget to sign up for any of the great Filthy Rich Fish poker promotions.... They are really great value!